Archive for the Personal
Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
“I wasn’t born”
Life with Talitha — part 5
As long as I have a memory, I will know what date it was that Talitha learned what a birth mother is.
On a bitter, freezing January 22–in 2001–we stood with thousands of others outside the Minnesota Capitol, rallying for Life.
Talitha pointed to the line drawing on a poster raised high in the distance. “Look, there’s a picture of a baby being born–like baby Elizabeth!” I could see it was really a sketch of a partial birth abortion, but she didn’t need to know yet the horrors of that.
So I picked up the flow of her thought. “Yes, like your little friend. And like you.”
She quickly corrected me, “I wasn’t born. I was adopted.”
I had been thinking for a while it was time to expect questions from Talitha about her birth. Adoption was an everyday word and concept in our family, but we hadn’t yet talked about one very important person to whom we owe great gratitude.
Question or no, now was the time. And so on the stately steps of the capitol, I stooped to look into her eyes. “Talitha, first you were born and then you were adopted.” I explained that she had grown inside another woman–her birth mother–who could have chosen abortion, but instead protected her and gave birth to her.
Talitha carried home a “Choose Life” poster and put it in her bedroom window.
Today I thank God for the woman who gave birth to our beloved Talitha.
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For many of us, being pro-life has changed our families through adoption. A couple of years ago I wrote a series of blog posts telling our adoption story. It begins here.
A follow-up series, Life with Talitha, begins here.
Sunday, January 22nd, 2012
Mourning God knows who
Today I am thinking of only-God-knows-how-many people whose names only God knows. Maybe 52 million?
The oldest of our 5 children was born just 3 months before the US Supreme Court’s Roe versus Wade decision which was delivered on January 22, 1973. That means that those millions of babies — people — killed over the last 39 years are the peers of all my children. Only God knows which of them might potentially have been their playmates, classmates, work partners.
In a few minutes I’ll be gathering with other worshippers at Bethlehem’s south campus to hear my husband’s message to us on this heartbreaking anniversary.
I hope this day might be different than other Sundays for you. Perhaps you might:
- be gathering with others to let your presence proclaim your honoring of the sanctity of human life (For Minnesotans, it’s 2 pm at the State Capitol).
- take time to pray with compassion for mothers who are considering abortion right now and for God’s peace to to be understood and accepted in the hearts of men and women who have been responsible for an abortion.
- remember that no sin is too great for God to forgive. Jesus paid for it already for you or anyone who turns to him with faith.
- read the short booklet about abortion, free at the Desiring God websit
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May God bless this day to you for his sake among the babies–for the sake of the great name of the creator of all human beings.
Monday, December 26th, 2011
Christmas week
May you too find some lovely goodies to dip into
For us, this is a week of celebrating the birth of our Saviour with family–lots of family. Yesterday it was with my mother and with our son Barnabas and his family. Today a bunch of my siblings and their families descend. That means lots of food and visiting and cousins reconnecting.
So blogging may be sparse for a few days. I pray that your own Jesus celebration may stretch out in some way through these days.
Thursday, December 22nd, 2011
When Joy to the World isn’t our world
You don’t have to live many Christmases before you realize that the emotions of Christmas are not all joy. In fact, some years we may wonder if joy will ever come again.
I’m thinking about that reality now, after hearing from some people who are suffering right now. The causes are quite different, but for all of them, Christmas as they’ve known it seems like another planet.
That makes me want to put it down in stark black and white: Christmas can be hard, really hard, unbearably hard–all the more when we look around at all the jolliness and feel like we’re alone in our grief or pain or loneliness or uncertainty or fear or hopelessness or confusion or alienation or . . . .
A few years ago, I wrote to a friend whose child had come through a crisis not long before Christmas.
I realize that it doesn’t resolve your situation to hear that you’re not alone. But I pray it might help lighten the burden at least a little to see what some others have to say, people who are in your shoes now or they have been there.
These articles are in no particular order and are from from various perspectives. I think it will be quite possible as you read to substitute your own challenges or the struggles of a person you love.
When Christmas Stinks, by Michael Monroe
Joy (and Grief) and Joy at Christmas, by Molly Piper
The angels’ words were a battle cry, by Joni Eareckson Tada
FAS and Christmas, by Julie Martindale
“Suffering is the reason for the season,” Charles Colson
White Elephant: Explain that to an FASD Kiddo, by Barb Clark
He Says There’s Something Worse than Death, by John Knight (poem by John Piper)
God Uses Silly Videos to Make Much of Himself, by John Knight
The Most Important Posting I Will Ever Write . . . & a Christmas Greeting, by Mike Evans
Home for Christmas, by Greg Lucas
Together on the Ledge, by Lisa Qualls
A request to you: Please share with us resources that have helped you in your difficult times.
Thursday, December 15th, 2011
What I forgot to say
ADD in action . . . When I listed some gift ideas for the ADDer you love, I forgot to list the 2 items that had been in my mind in the first place that prompted me to post the list. So here are 2 more gift ideas. Both of these have been a great help to me.
Motion-sensor light bulb base. After one more less-than-happy conversation about lights left burning in the basement laundry room–OK! About me leaving the lights burning–a thought struck me. Lots of people have motion sensor lights outside their houses. Might there be such a thing for inside?
Yes, there is. The base screws into the place where you have been screwing in your bulb, and then you screw the bulb into the base. In other words, there’s no electrical installation required. And yes, that has eliminated one thing to be unhappy about. That alone makes it worth the price, and I suppose the savings in electricity will balance it out eventually. (Note that only some available bases work with fluorescent “bulbs,” which of course are another electricity saver.)
Eyeglasses “tether.” For some reason, I can’t just put on my glasses and keep them on. For years, when I take them off, I close them and often hang them by one arm in the neck of my shirt, where they usually were safe. But then, there are the times when I leaned over and they fell on the floor, collecting scratches and the times I laid them somewhere and couldn’t remember where.
I bought my newest glasses before a trip to the Grand Canyon, and I imagined them slipping out and falling, falling, falling. So I squeezed my mind’s eye shut against my stereotypes of people who hang their glasses around their necks.
I’m a convert. Since then, I can’t remember one time when I said, “Where are my glasses?” And my 3-month-old glasses have not one scratch–an all-time record for me.
I’ve taken advantage of my craft stash of beads to make my own necklacey holders too. May as well treat this ADD tool as a fashion accessory. Maybe I’ll even make earrings to match.
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Disclosure: If you click on a link and purchase an item, I receive a small commission, which costs you nothing extra. I only recommend items that I think will be of interest to my readers and that I use personally or wish I did.
Tuesday, December 13th, 2011
Stocking stuffers for the ADDer you love
If an ADDer has been ADDed to your life, here are a few stocking-stuffer type items for that person you love. Different ADD brains work different ways, but things like these are helpful to me. This is a short list, just what’s at the front of my brain at the moment.
Carabiner key ring. This kind is even better than mine. I just have a plain ring and a cheap carabiner that I hang onto an outside loop on my purse (which means the ring could fall off the carabiner and be lost). Remember. Remember. Remember. Yes, I do have to remind myself to remember. But it’s pretty much a habit now, which is especially important in winter when there are way too many pockets to remember where I stashed my keys without thinking.
Journal. Once I realized I have ADD, a notebook became my almost constant companion. I “transcribe” conversations as they’re happening so I can remember and not misconstrue later. I jot down to-do’s and shopping lists–everything that I used to say “I’ll remember this later,” but didn’t. This size is the type I use. It’s large enough to scrawl more than one sentence on. It fits in the back pocket of my purse and weighs nothing to tuck under my elbow. On the light-colored cover, I can write the beginning date or info about what’s inside. Other styles will suit other people. There are a variety of sizes & covers.
Purse organizer. I’ve stuck an insert into my purse with specific pockets for specific items, so I can reach in without looking and find my chapstick or lozenge or whatever. I scavenged my insert from a backpack I used to have, but this one here looks like it would be a good one. I wouldn’t necessarily choose pink, but hey, it’s down in the dark depths anyway.
“Magic” gloves. I don’t know how many pairs I have of those inexpensive one-size-fits-all gloves. But I don’t think it’s possible to have too many. Somehow, even if I think there’s a pair in every coat or jacket pocket and in all the sofa cushion cracks, still I’m looking for gloves when it’s time to walk out the door. So, lots of inexpensive gloves.
Combination lock. One Noel ADD rule is: Arrange life so there are as few things as possible to hold onto within the brain. For me, one moment that particular rule comes into play is standing in front of the locker at the gym. I do not want the anxiety of mentally walking through every step that keeps me from locking the key inside the locker. I don’t need any extra hindrance to working out. My combination lock is a lot like this one–about the simplest kind possible. I never have been able to open the ancient-safe-door-ear-to-the-tumbler twirling number dial.
Pill organizer. One of the facts of life for many of us is medicine and supplements that make life work better. One of the ironies of ADD is forgetting to take the pills that help control ADD. And if I do remember, the tedium of remembering which bottles and how many pills and of all that opening and counting and closing makes me think, “In a minute.” A minute which never comes. I’m a sucker for organizers (forgetting for the moment that you have to keep on keeping them organized). But this pill box does help. I just fill it up once a week. The compartments are plenty large enough even for those monster fish oil capsules that are supposed to be helping my brain work better. When I’m traveling I fill as many organizers as there are weeks of being away from home.
Due app. Even with the pill organizer, I do need to remember to take the pills. That’s where my Due app has become one of my best friends. The kind of friend that won’t get off your back when you need a kick in the pants (or whatever mixed metaphor I mean). Due has too many good features for me to take time to list right now. Go to the Due website and see for yourself. I think it’s particularly for iPhone or iPad.
Books. I have the impression there are lots more books about Adult ADHD than there were even a year ago. Of the ones I’ve read I’d say they all have pretty much the same basic info about ADHD. The main differences between books would be how they branch out from the basics. I especially appreciate the ones that come at it from a personal point of view. Beyond the official list of symptoms/characteristics, lightbulbs kept flashing on as I read stories of how ADD works itself in daily life and relationships. Here are a couple of books you might consider.
You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy? The title alone sold me on this one. I’d say this one would probably appeal more to a woman with ADD than to a man.
Delivered from Distraction. If you were going to read just one book, I think this would be the one. (Just skip over the product promotion near the end of the book). Johnny and I read this one aloud together to try to grow together in our understanding of ADD.
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Disclosure: If you click on a link and purchase an item, I receive a small commission, which costs you nothing extra. I only recommend items that I think will be of interest to my readers and that I use personally or wish I did.
Thursday, December 8th, 2011
Making do — That’ll do
At 5:45 I remembered I was supposed to bring something appetizerish or snackish to a Christmas gathering at 6:30. A flash of mixed emotions, let’s say. Relief that I remembered. And yikes! What am I going to take?
I surveyed the freezer shelves as if some prepackaged appetizers I had never bought would have magically materialized. Nope.
Then on to the cans. I fumbled through the soups and tuna until I happened on a can of shoepeg corn. Why do I have this? I’ve never used shoepeg corn before. Oh yes. It was for a dip recipe I didn’t make and can’t remember.
But dip would be a good idea to take, if only I had chips. I threw open the cabinet and there were the 2 bags of tortilla chips I bought last week, for just in case. Well “in case” is here.
No time to look for a recipe. So here’s my Make-Do Dip. I drained all the cans and saved the liquid for soup.
- 1 onion, chopped fine
- 1 – 11 oz can shoepeg corn, drained
- 1 – 15 oz black beans
- 1 – 15 oz can diced tomatoes with peppers
- 1 – 12 oz container light sour cream
- 1/2-1 cup salsa, to taste (I used hot because that’s what was in the fridge)
How much does it make? A lot. Do the math yourself: Add up the cans and sour cream container and there you have the amount. And it was popular. I brought some home, but not nearly as much as I took to the party.Thank you, Mother, for your example of making do with what you have.
Monday, December 5th, 2011
The visible center
Our very first Christmas was in the middle of our honeymoon, so our traditions began the second year of marriage.
We visited our families before Christmas, and returned to our small place late at night on December 21. We didn’t have any decorations, and our budget and the time were short, so we decided not to buy a tree.
I had found a tiny nativity set at an international gift shop. So on Christmas morning, the two of us sat on the floor beside a low, small table with that scene between us. Christmas carols played in the background as we opened each other’s gifts. It seemed exactly right that Jesus be the visible center.
So every year since then, a special crèche has been the focal point of our celebration. We arrange it on a table in the living room and collect our gifts underneath. This is often the gathering place for our family devotions during December. Anyone who visits sees what our center is.
We also use a manger scene as part of our Advent candle arrangement, so the focus of our waiting is visible before us. Other uses for a crèche might be:
- an unbreakable set for the children to play with.
- manger scene ornaments for a Christmas tree.
- a stained glass or colored cellophane window arrangement, visible from the street.
- a play corner with toy lamb, baby doll and appropriate dress-ups.
One friend told me about her crèche collection:
I try to find one in every place I visit. I give traveling friends money to spend on a nativity for me if they happen to see one where they are going. I find them at garage sales and thrift stores and after-Christmas sales, and people give them to me as gifts. I have more than a hundred now from all over the world, and when I get them out for Christmas it is a wonderful reminder that one day people from all tribes and tongues and people and languages—not just my own country—will worship the King.
(Hint: If you’re shopping locally for a nativity scene, wait till the day or two after Christmas.)
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Adapted from Treasuring God in Our Traditions. |
Sunday, December 4th, 2011
Doesn’t she know?
Yesterday, I wrote about how we think about Santa at our house. It boiled down to this primary goal: Helping our children understand God as much as they were able at whatever age they were.
I hadn’t realized what a hot topic this would be. I really meant it when I said I’m not on a crusade that has good guys and bad guys.I meant to be clear that I was simply telling you how we think about it at our house for our family.
Some of you raised questions that I expect to be thinking about in future posts. In the meantime, let me complete the thought I began yesterday.
Here are some encouraging effects we observed (at different times with different children) of not including Santa in our celebration. These aren’t really reasons to make a decision one way or the other, but more like side effects.
First, I think children are glad to realize that their parents, who live with them all year and know all the worst things about them, still show their love at Christmas. Isn’t that more significant than a funny old make-believe man who drops in just once a year?
Second, our children know our family’s usual giving patterns for birthday and other special events. They seem to have an instinct about our typical spending levels. Knowing that their Christmas gifts come from those same people they love, rather than from a bottomless sack, can help diminish the “I-want-this, give-me-that” syndrome.
And finally, when children know that God’s generosity is reflected by God’s people, it tends to encourage a sense of responsibility about helping make Christmas good for others.
Our oldest, for example, worked hard on one gift the year he was 3. On Christmas morning, my husband stepped around a large, loose-flapped cardboard box to get to his chair at the breakfast table. “Where’s Karsten?” he asked, expecting to see our excited boy raring to leap into the day.
Sitting down, I said, “He’ll be here in a minute.” I nudged the box with my toe. Karsten threw back the flaps and rose to his full three-foot stature. “And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them . . .” He had memorized Luke 2:8-20 as a gift for his dad. Karsten knew Santa wasn’t the one to depend on.
In fact, a few days later, he and I were walking down the hall at church. One of the older ladies leaned down to squeeze his pink, round cheek and asked, “What did Santa bring you?” Karsten’s head jerked quickly toward me, and he whispered loudly, “Doesn’t she know?”
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Taken from my book, Treasuring God in Our Traditions. |
Wednesday, November 30th, 2011
Peapods update
Peapods! What in the world?
Hints:
- They have something to do with our grandtwins.
- I wrote about Peapods almost a year ago.
- The update is at Tell Me When To Pack.
P. S. In any case, this gives me an excuse to post a picture of the babies. It’s the first time I ever played double Trotsy-Horsey.
Monday, November 28th, 2011
Today only!
For some reason, the link from the photo isn't working. Link through the text.
in 1968, when we got married, my mother-in-law had been using her KitchenAid Mixer (link here) for more than 25 years. So when there was no mixer among our wedding gifts, we used gift money to splurge and buy a KitchenAid for ourselves. Our marriage is going on for 43 years, and so is our KitchenAid.
So when I saw that this one is almost half-off today–just today–I wanted to make sure you know about it. If it should last you 43 years, that would be, let’s see . . . about $6.00 a year. Not bad. Not bad at all.
