Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Collected wisdom

shower invitation

Last night there was a bridal shower. The women who attended were friends of the bride’s mother.

Most of us are not crazy about shower games. So instead, we went around the circle and answered two questions: How did you become friends with the family and what one bit of wisdom would you like to offer the bride?

Of course, there’s lots more that could be said, but here are the impromptu responses:

  • When there’s trouble, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you or with him or something wrong with your family or his–it’s because God made you different than each other.
  • Marriage is for sanctification.
  • Remember no one will love him like you do.
  • Read the Bible together every day.
  • Pray together.
  • Hold onto Jesus.
  • Remember that all marriages are cross-cultural.
  • Laugh a whole lot, especially when things are crummy.
  • Never criticize him in front of other people.
  • Let your behavior be respectful even when you don’t feel like it. Politeness like “please” and “thank you” can help clear the air.
  • Be patient.
  • Do things together, and time alone is important too.
  • Appreciate each day. Don’t let things hang over from the past and don’t worry about the future.
  • If you’re not feeling well, let him comfort you, and don’t go hide under the covers.
  • Keep pursuing each other and learning each other.
  • Make room for silliness.
  • Stay friends.
  • Learn how to celebrate together. You live close to your families, but make your own celebrations too for Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.
  • Be as crazy as you can at home, then when sober times come, you can be sober. I hope you’ll have more than 62 years like we have.
  • Let him be head of your house, and Jesus be head over all.
  • Know every day about God’s sufficiency–not just in hard times, but all the time. I pray that God will lavish future grace on you.
  • Go on the mission field. That will put everything to the test.
  • Pray. Hug. Laugh.
  • I wasted too much time wanting my husband to be what he wasn’t. Your husband is who you’ll know best from here on out. Enjoy who he is.
  • Read out loud together.
  • Launch out and be your own family, but remember you can call your mother anytime–and any of these friends too.
  • A threefold cord is not easily broken. Please keep Jesus as the third strand in the cord of your life together.

We showered our bride with tangible gifts that should last a few years. But this love that showered from clouds of experience is good for a lifetime.

pink gift bows

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27 Responses to “Collected wisdom”

  1. Wow! I am a new bride…just got married a month ago and wish someone had passed on wisdom and advice like this to me! This is priceless and so true! Thank you for the wise words of encouragement!!

  2. [...] Marriage is for sanctification… from → Smart Things Other People Say ← Martin Luther King Jr.’s Letter from Jail. LikeBe the first to like this post. No comments yet [...]

  3. This is wonderful… I hope you do not mind – but I would love to share it on my blog. Of course all credit will be given back to you. All these tid bits of wisdom are so awesomely incredible.

  4. Hi, I’m a wife of three years soon to be four and I absolutely love everything that was said to this soon to be bride and in my heart I know that these things are right and true! I praise God for all of the Women of Grace who was able to share with her, because it’s hard to find those willing to sit and share such wisdom! And I pray in Jesus name that His light and unfailing love will rain upon her marriage as good seeds have been planted!

    I will remember this wisdom even for my own marriage.

    With Love and Care,
    Monica Mize

  5. We did the same thing at a friend’s bridal shower a few years ago. So glad to know that we weren’t the only crazy ones with good tips on marriage.

    Btw, I’m not married or even engaged and I used my parent’s marriage as my example. Almost 22 years together and still madly in love with each other.

  6. Mrs Piper thank you for this. It is truly an encouragement even to 19year old male like myself. We are currently examining marriage and how it’s our biblical responsibility to get married if we haven’t been called to radical singleness. This is very helpful, I am currently seeking Christ, and as Paul said I’m running the race, I just pray that later on down the road when I look to my left or right on this race and see who God has called to run along with me that I’ll be able to use principles like these in my future marriage, and that she will as well.

  7. Mrs. Piper,

    This is beautiful! As a young girl, I recall attending my now sister-in-love’s wedding shower and the married ladies did this. Even as a ten year old it effected me! Such wisdom from those older than ourselves. Titus 2 at work! :) Thank you for sharing!

  8. so very thankful for you and how you so tangibly pour into all of us. you were missed!!!! thanks for this exhortation:)

  9. Thanks for compiling and sharing this Noel! Even after being married almost-29 years these are helpful reminders.

  10. I recently got married in October 2010. As a young bride (24), I was flooded with similar advice both at my shower and in the days leading up to the wedding. Yet with so much going on, it seems like it was hard to hold on to every word of what was said. By the time the honeymoon was over, much of it was all but forgotten. We are both Christians and active in church, yet sometimes it seems we get so busy, we forget to appreciate and care for this precious gift that God has given to us. We want our marriage to be all that God ordained it to be, but faith without works is dead. What we put in is what we’ll get out. Thank you for this timely reminder of the wise words I seemed to have forgotten on that plane ride home from the Caribbean, lol!

  11. Great stuff, I am still on honeymoon with my boyfriend after being married to him for 13 years ;} Why end the honeymoon?

  12. I’m sharing this with my newly wed friends! :) Thanks so much, Mrs. Noel!

  13. I like the one about going on the field- so true! We went to the field 15 years ago(and have been married for 20) and raised 4 kids here. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sillyness and fun definitely help! Plus believing God for things and taking little lies captive quickly. Marriage, kids, the field – all these things will test your faith. Together…wow! Powerful combination!

  14. The body of Christ – sharpening and encouraging one another to embrace the gift of marriage with words of wisdom and truth. This is a priceless treasure to my heart. Tears flow – this is a gift from God. I will meditate further and pray that the Lord will strengthen all of our marriages for His glory. By grace may we reflect the picture of marriage in Ephesians that He would be glorified. Thank you for sharing that we may be strengthened and encouraged.

  15. I am a bride of 25 1/2 years — this was wonderful advice! Thank you to all the ladies that shared this!

  16. I really appreciated this as a college student who looks forward to being a wife. What wisdom! :)

  17. Thank you Mrs. Piper! As a bride-to-be with a mother who is not in the faith, the godly wisdom you shared was so encouraging to me. Thank you for being a spiritual mother to so many of us! :)

  18. It is amazing, but what is shared at your bridal shower really does stick with you. It was 24 years ago at a bridal shower some friends threw for me, but I will never forget one older woman’s wise words from Scripture. She said, “Let the wife SEE TO IT that she respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). That is the key, she said. The wife needs to “see to it.” Thanks for your post. I appreciate your ministry!

  19. 14 years of marriage this Spring and I wish I always remembered those things. None of us do but praying that soon I will remember them most of the time. Two imperfect people serving a perfect God. Would I have your permission to post this list on my blog? Thank you.

  20. [...] writing on Kings & Priests by John Ortberg, Noel Pipers marriage advice – the wisdom of Mrs John Piper: great stuff,  Josh Hunt’s great (and free!) Ephesians resources, Coaching to grow, Just want Jesus [...]

  21. Mrs. Piper, I am a Christian counselor. I wish that every couple who comes through our door would have known and practiced the words penned in your blog. They probably wouldn’t have to come to us for help. Thank you for sharing these truths.

  22. My mom hosted a shower for me (I got married in December) and did the very same thing. It was such an encouragement to hear those things from older women! Thank you for posting.

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