Tuesday, April 20th, 2010
Love is not enough . . .
. . . or a better way to say it: Real love is not just sweet and easy. Look at what Jesus’s love for us cost him.
An easy, sweet love is not enough to raise any child, whether born or adopted into a family. And the love that some adopted children need is gritty, painful, agonizing, uncertain, and maybe a lot like death.
Jason Kovacs at The Abba Fund writes:
While more and more churches are calling their people to step out in faith to adopt and foster there is just as much need for them to call their people to count the cost and to provide the care they need when the child is home.
I see this included in the very passage we use to call people to adopt – James 1:27 says that “pure and undefiled religion before God the father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction.”
We do a disservice to adoptive and foster families if we are not helping them understand what that “affliction” means. We further disservice them by not doing everything we can to learn and understand and support them in entering that “affliction.” They cannot do it alone.
I hope you will read it all. And don’t overlook Jason’s links to a series of very helpful, thoughtful short videos for anyone who has adopted from a difficult place or is considering it.
3 Responses to “Love is not enough . . .”
Leave a Reply
This is so true. Many adoptive parents are not prepared. They are committing themselves to a tough road, but the hard work can bring great joy. It is not a fantasy of having a perfect child or perfect family, but the reality of love, which is actions and work, not just warm feelings.
When we were in our process, there were other families who were focused on that fantasy and on their dream of having a child, and their desires, and not the reality of what a post-institutionalized child would need. We tried to educate ourselves, but we still were unprepared ultimately. With lots of prayer and God’s help though, we have learned so much in the last 2 years!
In my life, adoption called me to love as Christ loves. My son was adopted from Russia. He was almost 11 months old when we brought him home (2 years ago on Thurs 4/22).
For over a year, I loved my son, showed him love, cared for him, while he didn’t show love back to me. He didn’t know how. My job was/is to love him, regardless of his behavior or his issues. It has been gritty. I loved him while he screamed and melted down and physically slapped my hands down and pushed me away. I wondered if we would ever have a close relationship.
Now, he calls me “mommy”, and laughs, and runs up to me and gives me hugs! We are close now. God has worked a miracle in me, by teaching me how to love, and in him by healing him so he could receive love.
Adopting my son has changed me greatly. I never thought I was self-centered before, but becoming Elijah’s mother showed me how much I really was. I had to stop focusing on my own comfort and wants and focus on him instead.
Our road has not easy, but SO so worth it!
Thanks for passing on this very helpful resource and wise words.
We have been trying to adopt, but as we try to raise money, we’ve been met with attitude, “This is YOUR family…” People, at least in our area, don’t tend to see adoption as a ministry but as a way to “fill out your family.” This is not consistent with God’s purpose for adoption!!! We had to let one little boy with disabilities “go” because we were not raising the money fast enough…
We feel like we really do have to “go it alone.” We’d like to adopt 3-4 kids, including “special needs.” We know God will provide when His time is right… and there is so much we are learning in the meantime.
Our society is so individualistic… “You made the choice, you should have thought of the consequences” instead of “let me come beside you and help you do what God has called us to.” And instead of people stepping in to help raise money, we have people standing back and judging whether or not God is REALLY calling us to adopt by whether we SOMEHOW get the money or not… it is a tough place to be in!!!
Very few people have adopted in our church, and I think just our discussion about it is starting to warm people up to the idea. Maybe our example will inspire others as God moves in their hearts!!!
Thank you, Pipers, for your encouragement!!!