Thursday, April 15th, 2010
I’m not going to defend the woman who put her adopted son and an airplane and sent him back where he came from.
But I’ve known enough tragically difficult adoption situations to make me wonder if more knowledge of the situation might not make it easier to have a little empathy with her. Not that what she did was right, but that we might see how she felt driven to an extreme solution.
What we can say for sure is that she got in over her head and made a very bad decision.
This video gives a helpful overview of the situation and beginning at about minute 3:45 asks most of the questions that are at the front of my mind:
- Did this woman not receive adequate information about the child?
- Did this child receive good treatment in the orphanage?
- Did this woman get properly vetted ahead of time?
- Did the agency examine her home study and other information carefully enough to make sure this was a good fit?
- Did she receive training?
- Was there ongoing support?
I’d also ask:
- Was there adequate professional help available when she needed it, including from the adoption agency?
- Was thought given to the difficulty of single parenting, especially with the adoption of an older child, which everyone knows is likely to be more stressful?
- Were there a church and friends who were part of a personal, unofficial support network?
- Was there sufficient language translation help so mother and son could communicate and to help the child make the difficult transition into another culture and language?
In an ideal world, every child would have a loving home. In an ideal world, raising children would be easy.
In the world we live in, parents and children in a loving home–whether born into the family or adopted– may have the “just the normal” stresses and joys. Or they may face the realities that one friend writes about, regarding children with attachment disorder or other disabilities, including fetal alcohol syndrome.
The Joint Council On International Children’s Services has asked that bloggers talk about the truth–that adoption is a good thing. Here’s a list of some families that are posting thoughts about their adoption stories.
Our own adoption story begins here and each post links to the next.
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