Thursday, April 1st, 2010
Why don’t they discipline that child?
I was a visitor in a circle of mothers who have children on the autism spectrum.”We’ve been kicked out of every place anyone takes their children. The public library banned us,” one of them said. All the others nodded with full empathy because they’re living the same story.
I thought of the times there’s a child screaming in a store. The disapproving faces around them all wear an expression you could spell with the alphabet: “Why doesn’t she control her child?”
I wonder. Maybe it is an undisciplined child. Or maybe it’s a parent who’s ignored the child’s needs and has postponed lunch time or nap time way too long. Or maybe it’s a child with autism.
I expect that, unless autism touches our lives somehow, most of us don’t know much about what it is or how it affects a family. And yet we need to know more, or how can we be the body and hands of Christ to a family affected by autism?
I found this video from Joni and Friends very helpful.
11 Responses to “Why don’t they discipline that child?”
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Noel,
I just watched it last night myself, and it was very good. Don’t you just love Joni? (I know you do.)
Our ministry works with people with exceptional needs which includes both developmental disabilities and those on the autism spectrum, and I think this is such a valuable educational tool to show church families and groups who would benefit from further understanding.
Great that you are using your platform to help in educating.
Noel,
Thanks for this post. I have a son who just borderlines on the Asperger’s end of the Autism spectrum. I have gotten those looks and overheard the unkind comments, even without dealing with full-blown Autism. Many people do not understand that it is often not behavioral at all, it is simply a child who processes the world differently. When something does not compute, they react in fear or frustration.
How much could we impact the life of a mom who is struggling with what appears to be an “unruly” child by speaking a word of encouragement?
A few months ago I watched a very unkind lady publicly reprimand a woman she did not know because her child was screaming in a checkout line. The poor mom was visibly humiliated. I still regret not taking the opportunity to speak kind words into her life. I will not miss that opportunity again.
Wow! I really learned a lot from that video! Thank you for posting it.
[...] Lord, may it be.If you wish you understood more about autism, you might be interested in a video I linked to from Joni and Friends.Leave a Comment (0) /**/Why don’t they discipline [...]
Hey Noel! Thanks so much for this post! My husband and I adopted in September, our new children have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and one of them has CP, and I get a lot of funny looks. I always feel like I have to explain somehow. I try really hard to not let it affect me, but it still does. We need to be lifting one another up, not looking down our noses.
Thank God for people like you Jamie! Your children are so blessed to have you!
Thank you so much for posting this! My son is autistic and we planted a church when he was 1 1/2. As it he sunk deeper into the disorder, it was in front of the whole church. I couldn’t help my husband at all with the church as I had to just “get through” Sundays with my son and my (at that time) infant daughter. I had the older “spiritual” women in the church telling me what a “strong willed child” I had and how I would have to discipline him more. I felt like such a failure as a mom, a pastor’s wife, a church planters wife. My son and I were miserable for two years as we tried to sort through the behaviour. As soon as we got him diagnosed, everything changed! I understood him, and could therefore advocate for him, which often meant shutting up the scoffers. Our little church plant has been super supportive and thus has attracted more families with special needs children. I thank God for them every day. And Isaiah is doing awesome. He is 4 1/2 and is now toilet trained, is talking, and even goes to preschool with friends who love him.
I`m learning to pause before I judge other moms. You just never know what their struggles are. When we can put that aside and love each other, the church is only enhanced!
Noel –
I too want to say thank you for posting the video. As a music teacher in the public schools, I am privileged to work with children who are different in many ways. Trying to reach students whose abilities and disabilities are so different surely is a challenge.
But educating ourselves with up to date research and studies is one of the best ways to be effective in making a difference in the lives of children. Thank you for passing this along and opening my eyes to methods and information that is so helpful.
Praying you will have a wonderful time of worship this weekend!
Noel, thank you for posting this. My daughter was recently tested and is at the high functioning end of autism. The kids in this video are much more challenging than my daughter. I applaud these parents. My husband & I watched it and we both agreed that our Naomi (age 11) might bring many challenges because of her autism, but we are grateful knowing it could be much more of a challenge than it is. Before we knew she had autism, we got plenty of disciplinarian remarks. We were told it was because we never spanked her (which was true since we didn’t understand biblical discipline until recently) or it was that we were too passive. We’ve had people come up and say “what is wrong with your daughter?? She doesn’t talk to us”. I felt like saying “yeah because your weird” but now that wouldn’t be nice, would it? He he. Anyway, we were asked if she was deaf, is she dyslexic, she walks funny..blah blah. It was actually a relief to finally have an answer to what we were dealing with. I have found that structure is my best friend when dealing with autism. I have to say though, churches have not always been the greatest help. I have taken her out of classes at our previous church because of comments made by the Sunday school teachers. Every Sunday morning resulted in a breakdown because she didn’t want to be with other kids. I just thought it was rebellion…but now I know that it was just VERY difficult and scary for her to be in classes with new people. The teachers looked at us like we didn’t have any control over our children and what was wrong with us? Thank you for highlighting these issues and making us all aware…I still have so much more to learn.
Thank you!
I live this every single day. I often struggle with whether or not to reveal my son’s disability to disapproving strangers (sometimes even in church)to make them more sensitive to my plight.
Sensory overload or fear can push a child to a full-blown tantrum at any time. Disciplining a child whose language comprehension is very low is also quite difficult. We need prayer, compassion and love and I’m sad to say that these are difficult to find, even among the body of Christ.
Thanks so much! This gives much insight into how autism works and how our attitude should be to those dealing with this in their family daily. Thanks.